No, this is not about Drake’s song from So Far Gone. I wish it was, but honestly… it’s just a song, a sweet one. The video is funny. Ah ah, I ain’t thIcC as those girls or that attractive. Trust me, I’m attached to that song, but the video is hilarious when it comes to the dialogues. Don’t take Drake that seriously. I mean, it’s ok. I mean, I just smile when those girls say “Ay yo Drake, am I the best?” with that Brooklyn accent (is it? I gotta check on that. New Yorkers, help me on that). Again, I mean… it’s just our sWeEt Drake. Don’t overthink it. It’s just a song. Which I love, tbh.
Anyways, today is kinda of a special day. NO, it is not because it’s Valentine’s Day. It’s my birthday, first and foremost. Look, in countries like Brazil, the day of love is celebrated in June. Back to the special day note, 2/14.
Best I Ever Had.
Right, I thought I would feel different this time of the year at 22 years old. I was imaging myself with already a draft of my first book, with all As on my degree (I just have a few Bs and a couple of Cs, it is not that bad – it means I have a life outside school, come on now), or that I would’ve kept all the friends I’ve made throughout my middle and high school years. Well, it didn’t go as planned.
Best I Ever Had.
I’m pretty sure the best of the best has yet to be manifested, but at the same time I ‘m amazed how my life has turned out to be so far. I can’t wait to live by doing what I most love doing, which is writing for the underrepresented, reading, acting, modelling and teaching. But also I’m in my 20s, so I gotta chill the eff out and give myself some pats on my shoulder.
First pat: I’ve moved to the United States and lived in New York City for three years.
Second pat: I discovered two new passions, such as Journalism and Fashion. Damn, they’re tough but I love ’em.
Third pat: I found again old passions like acting and writing (I miss acting in Italian because in English is more difficult for me, but I’m trying).
Fourth pat: I fell in love twice. The first time with a person who made me understand once and for all how unique I am. Then the second time with a fantastic person in the most unexpected way (so. unexpected.). Thanks to him I loved myself again, my old passions combined with my new extrovert version, and made me understand that my standards are worthy. An Italian-Brazilian Blair Waldorf, an adopted Brooklyn baby, an authentic latina Audrey Hepburn, aka a curly flower. Cute! Along with this, I’ve been meeting amazing people, cut off toxic people, and strengthened old friendships. I love… it.
Fifth pat: I’ve had so much fun and also a bit of luck with modelling. I got booked twice in New York Fashion Week, got so many inspirations, my creativity sprung so so much. And I’m already pretty weird and creative.
I could pat myself for at least one hours straight, but I had my hard times too. Yes, I got mad many times. My body changed, my mindset finessed, my standards kept being higher and higher. Yes, at some point when everything seemed to fall apart I even wanted to kill myself. Sadly I mean that, kill myself. I thought I had no purpose. I mean, why was I born if everything that I’ve cared so much of must be so far away from me? Why was I being so dry with my writing? Why everybody around me doesn’t care about feelings? Yes, I am still sad for some things, and yes sometimes I wear my Ariana Grande’s fake smile and repeat sing to myself how much I’m needy (another Ariana Grande’s gem).
However, I repeat to myself that I had the best. The best I ever had was me. Because I have high standards, I always want the best and even at my worst, I try to give out my best. In school, in love, in family. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the best for someone. I lowkey wanted to for, but now? No, I don’t need to. It’s unhealthy to be the only the best thing you ever happened to someone, even to my mom or dad (who supposedly allegedly is the only person who will love me for sure all of my life… right? mãe? babbo? are you there?). You shouldn’t have that responsibility. You can be one of the best things someone wants in their life, but you are the only one who can be the best for yourself. And if I think it this way, then I have always had the best for me. The best school career, the best passion pursuit, the best kiss (not the very first one LMAO), the best love stories, the best people I love (yeah, ugh lol), the best activism purposes to battle for…
So yeah, today I’ll be listening to you Drake, the person whose songs one year ago I’ve never thought I could ever listen to. Ugh.
I’ll keep listening to Jovanotti, Tiziano Ferro, Ariana Grande, Alicia Keys, Amy Winehouse, Frank Ocean, Jhene Aiko, Jorja Smith, Kali Uchis, Ella Mai, Lana Del Rey, Camila Cabello, Tom Jobim, Chopin, Gershwin (yeah old dudes rule too), Rihanna, …
But yeah, also you Drake.
Best I ever had, best I ever had…